Baseball is America's favorite pastime, or at least it used to be before PSPs, LCDs, and MP3s came along. It's still my favorite pastime anyway. This is the time of year when the boys make their way down to Florida and Arizona to stretch out, get their hacks in, and incur some of the most ridiculous injuries that anyone could conceive of. One of my favorites from years past is the Rockies young SS Clint Barmes falling down a flight of stairs while carrying a load of deer meat that Todd Helton gave him.
I haven't looked at the statistics, but this year must be a record setting year for ridiculous injuries. Without further delay, I give you a few of my favorites.....
- The Astros are planning to spend the next decade building their team around Hunter Pence. After being called up last year, the 24 year old hit .322 and clubbed 17 home runs in only 108 games. So far this year, he walked through a sliding glass door. His excuse is that he's "a spazz". If the only excuse that you can come up with is that you're a "spazz", then I wouldn't feel too good about giving you a huge contract to represent my team for a decade or so.
- Kaz Matsui failed to win over the NY Mets fans when he struggled after coming over to the majors from Japan. He found a home in Colorado last year however, stealing 32 bases and hitting .288. This year he is sidelined with "anal fissures". It sounds gross, and it is. Let's just say, it involves blood coming from places that nobody ever wants blood to come from.
- The absolute winner though has to be the Cub's top OF prospect Felix Pie, who has been out of commision due to a "twisted testicle"!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!! What the hell!!!! I don't even know how that happens. He had it surgically repaired, and he'll be fine, but come on....a twisted testicle!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment