Have a Pint.

Definitive Proof that Dogs are Better Than Cats

Spring Has Sprung

Baseball is America's favorite pastime, or at least it used to be before PSPs, LCDs, and MP3s came along. It's still my favorite pastime anyway. This is the time of year when the boys make their way down to Florida and Arizona to stretch out, get their hacks in, and incur some of the most ridiculous injuries that anyone could conceive of. One of my favorites from years past is the Rockies young SS Clint Barmes falling down a flight of stairs while carrying a load of deer meat that Todd Helton gave him.

I haven't looked at the statistics, but this year must be a record setting year for ridiculous injuries. Without further delay, I give you a few of my favorites.....

- The Astros are planning to spend the next decade building their team around Hunter Pence. After being called up last year, the 24 year old hit .322 and clubbed 17 home runs in only 108 games. So far this year, he walked through a sliding glass door. His excuse is that he's "a spazz". If the only excuse that you can come up with is that you're a "spazz", then I wouldn't feel too good about giving you a huge contract to represent my team for a decade or so.

- Kaz Matsui failed to win over the NY Mets fans when he struggled after coming over to the majors from Japan. He found a home in Colorado last year however, stealing 32 bases and hitting .288. This year he is sidelined with "anal fissures". It sounds gross, and it is. Let's just say, it involves blood coming from places that nobody ever wants blood to come from.

- The absolute winner though has to be the Cub's top OF prospect Felix Pie, who has been out of commision due to a "twisted testicle"!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!! What the hell!!!! I don't even know how that happens. He had it surgically repaired, and he'll be fine, but come on....a twisted testicle!!!

A Present for 5 Other People... And Thats About It.

I did it. Here is the cover art for the seminole works of The Vogonz called "Airborne". You can also go here to download it from the web if you can't get it from here. Now throw it in iTunes and rock out with your bad self.

You're welcome, all of you.

Something Fun For a Monday Morning

Step 1: Go to www.google.com

Step 2: Type in - Find Chuck Norris

Step 3: Click the "I Feel Lucky" Button.

Step 4: Live the rest of your life in fear.

BEHOLD! The Power of American Idol

Jeff Buckley has been dead for 11 years and this week his recording of the Leonard Cohen song "Hallelujah" was the number one song in iTunes. Why, you ask? Well, last Tuesday the Tony Tambe look-alike kid (when Tony was thinner and if he had Dreads) sang it on American Idol. Simon Cowell said his favorite version was the Jeff Buckley version from his first and only album Grace back in 1994. Just like that Jeff has the number 1 downloaded song on the second biggest music store in the U.S.. Note to self - Get Simon Cowell to like one of my songs and say it on American Idol.

Super Size Me

What the hell is this!!!!! I'll tell you what it is. It is my new license picture. For those of you who do not see me regularly, I have not gained 30 lbs. I don't know how the DMV camera managed to make me look like this, but it's a little disturbing. It's like one of those funhouse mirrors that distorts the images to look taller or fatter. I've got massive jowls. Seriously, how many chins can you count? Is it swollen glands? Maybe I have a goiter? An over active pituitary problem? Am I doing a Don Corleone impression? (in my best Brando - "Look what they've done to my boy")

Wow! I just felt the need to share that with the entire free world.